You need the best partner to help you through both the good and the bad. From this we have made a very simple list to allow for men to realize and appreciate the greatness which is an Ivy League Woman:
Men, most women you take out can be as dull as the uncolorful menus that you are staring at. Why not marry someone who understands complexity beyond questions drawn from Trivia Crack?
#2. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means?
Women do not go to an Ivy League to become a housewife. They go to these schools to establish their own wealth, career, and success. What is sexier than a woman who can do it all with you or without you?
procreating one must consider what they are handing down to their prospective
people willing to pay up to $100,000 for an Ivy League Woman’s eggs, one can
assume their companionship is worth more than the investment of a few Fridays
spent going to dinner and a movie!
reason as to why Ivy League woman are so sought after is their obvious
intelligence. According to IQMindware Ivy League students have an average IQ of
cites that only 1% of the population has an IQ over 140. Intellectually, you
are affirming that you are sharing your life with the absolute cream of the
knows how to be successful more than a student who has conquered the Ivy
#6 Sex It’s proven that smarter women have better sex because they not only have a higher IQ, but a higher EQ. EQ stands for the emotional equivalent of its intelligent counterpart: Emotional Quotient.
has been found in this research that more intelligent women have a higher EQ,
and also hold the ability to have twice as many orgasms! Which as anyone knows,
can never hurt a relationship.
Oh, you got a 2400? Congratulations, I got a 2000 but look at us both here at Yale. Guess your score didn’t really matter. So stop bringing it up.
2. Your Durfee’s swipe will save your life
Forget going to a dining hall for lunch, because that $8 at Durfee’s will change your life. Sure, a package of Oreo’s shouldn’t cost you $5.25, but when you want to eat only Oreo’s for lunch, it doesn’t really matter now, does it?
3. Freshman Holiday Dinner is Magical
There is never a better time to question whether or not you actually attend Hogwarts as during the Freshman Holiday Dinner, when you feast on enough sushi and Cornish hens to feed a moderately sized village, and people run away with huge gingerbread houses and ice sculptures.
4. Master’s Teas are Your Chance to Hob-Knob
Every residential college master will host an array of guests for teas in their house throughout the semester. Guests range from visiting fellows to authors to former CEOs of Chanel, and you get a chance to talk with them in an intimate setting. Plus, there’s all the tea and finger sandwiches your heart desires. Often, your master will also sponsor dinners afterwards with the speaker, and you’ll get dinner for free at a local restaurant (Free Hibachi, anyone?).
5. The Office of Career Strategy can save your butt
Sure, it may seem far away, being on Whitney Avenue, bit magic happens in that building. Career strategy staff will do everything for you from helping you craft a perfect resume and cover letter, to searching for internships and jobs after graduation, to simply talking you down off a cliff. They are a resource you need to utilize. Plus, you burn at least a hundred calories walking there and back.
6. You must hate Harvard.
Even if you are from Boston originally, this is not a suggestion. This is a rule. You will dye your blood Yale blue and never look back. There is no bigger event than the Yale-Harvard football game, but every single time we go against Harvard in any event, it is war. Even if that was your second choice school, or maybe your first, the second you become a Bulldog, you must despise everything Harvard. It’s the rule of the road. Don’t forget it.
7. New Haven is not nearly as dangerous as you think
New Haven is no hub of metropolitan murder or robbery. Like any other city, it has crime, but the presence of Yale creates a protective little bubble around all students. There are Blue phones, which are constantly lit up and can connect you to police and security personnel, everywhere you look on campus. To get into most areas of campus, you have to swipe in with your ID so you don’t have to worry about some random stranger showing up in your hallway. Yale security officers are always around and willing to help. It’s not a haven for crime, but you still should be smart and not walk around at midnight displaying all your earthly possessions.
8. The Theater Scene is AMAZING!
If you enjoy theater, Yale is the place for you. Whether you love to be a patron, be on the stage, direct or do sound design, the Yale theater scene has a place for you. Every semester there are dozens of productions, many of them student written originals. Plus, Meryl Streep and Lupita Nyong’o are Yale theater graduates, so we clearly know what we are doing.
9. The Harkness Tower will play your favorite tunes
The Caroliners are known for playing everything from One Direction to Broadway showtunes to Katy Perry’s Firework. They have been known to be very sass and play Let It Go during snowstorms though. If you have any musical talent, look into learning to play the bells, because then you can make the entire campus listen to whatever you feel like playing. The Game of Thrones theme song really sets the mood for dinner, don’t you think?
Warning: this article contains stereotypes of university students which may be offensive to people who can’t make fun of their own educational privilege, and college comedy.
Hufflepuff: Cornell and Brown
“You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,
And unafraid of toil“
When I think of someone from Hufflepuff, all I can picture in my head is a hippie stoner.
But actually, this house promotes some very good things that we all need in this world like hard work, tolerance, and kindness.
Cornell and Brown would definitely be Hufflepuff.
Here’s why: Cornell’s history of social liberalism coupled with their unfortunate reputation of being the most “meh” Ivy make Cornellians the ideal Hufflepuffs. Not only that, Cornell prides itself for its diversity (tolerance), and many Cornellians claim that there is waay more workload at Cornell than at Harvard (hard work), which as we all know is Cornellians’ sad effort to compensate for their “worst Ivy” reputation. The cool thing about Cornell, however, is that their campus looks a lot like Hogwarts, with it near a lake and all that.
As for Brown, do you even NEED an explanation? Student activism, stereotype of student being lazy stoners, Brunonians’ laidback attitude, you name it. Brown is literally the real world manifestation of Hufflepuff. Fun fact: Emma Watson, aka Hermione Greanger, also went this school, and graduated there in 2014, which I guess should have made her a Hufflepuff.
Ravenclaw: Yale and Columbia
“Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.“
To me, Ravenclaw is home to the pretentious intellectuals of Hogwarts.
“I read Shakespeare when I poop”
Ravenclaw promotes values like intelligence, originality, and creativity; basically, values you’d need in order to be an insufferable hipster.
Yale and Columbia, who happen to share the same color blue for their school colors, would definitely be Ravenclaw.
Let’s face it okay, when you think about Yale, the first thing that comes to your mind is most probably its almost too elitist academic excellence. Yale’s students are stereotyped to be smart, and more bookish than Harvard and Princeton, which I guess is a good thing to compensate the fact that Yaleies have to live in “the ghetto”.
On the other hand, Columbia students are known to be brooding cigarette smoking individualists, due to its predominantly urban culture. They are known to be smart hipsters who have left from their upper middle class suburban family to explore New York City in order to experience “the real world” to find the meaning of “it all”.
Gryffindor: Penn and Dartmouth
“You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart“
Gryffindor is home to the cool kids who may or may not have some deep down insecurity issues.
“OMG I LOVE YOU GUYSS!!!! <3 <3”
Gryffindor stands for courage, chivalry, and strong will. These are very good values to have when you want to get laid in college.
Penn and Dartmouth students are true Gryffindors.
Penn is known as the social ivy, and they actually deserve that title. Not only is their school located in Philadelphia, which is full of cool bars and good restaurants, they are also known for their Greek life and awesome party scene. But don’t be fooled; while Penn’s bros are sociable and fun, you’ll also find the ambitious kids from Wharton, who, tbh, remind me more of Slytherins with their ambition to be in Wall Street and what not. ugh.
Dartmouth, on the other hand, also has some pretty cool parties and good Greek life. I guess when you’re stuck in Hanover, there is nothing else you can do but party.
Like come on, Harvard kids are literally the epitome of douchebaggery. Sure, some kids might just be the next Einstein, but many kids are in it simply because they’re legacies (like that lil bitch Draco Malfoy), and we know how douchy some of them can be. I have to give them a break, though. Perhaps, Harvard does take some of the world’s brightest minds, and not all legacies are bad; but since nobody else in the Ivies likes Harvard, as like nobody else in Hogwarts like Slytherins, let’s just pretend all Harvard kids are the douchiest of douche.
When it comes to Princeton. Three words: elitism, athletic snobbery, legacies. Plus, Slytherin is known for their respect for traditionalism and an “Ivory Tower” attitude.
1. You can do anything, or go anywhere over the summer
Penn has specialized departments and employees who sole job is to match prospective organizations, companies, and even governments to providing internships to Penn students. The world is now your oyster, and you just need to take advantage of it.
Everyone around you is going to be insanely competitive. You thought AP class in high school was bad? Try macroeconomics at the school of Wharton!
3. Do not ever go west of 52nd St
University City is a diverse neighborhood with tons of multiculturalism that embodies so much of the richness that can be found within Philly. It is also a short walk or ride to Center City (the heart of Philadelphia), the food is great, and everything can be found within a reasonable walk. However west of 52nd is not a location you want to venture because it is beyond the reach of Penn’s security, and essentially ends the comfort zone which has been created for students.
4. Your liver will hurt
The party scene at Penn is amazing. You can find a party nearly any night of the week. Tuesday Quizzo at Blarney’s, Wednesday Sink or Swim at Smoke’s, Thursday Frat Party, Friday Center City bar hopping, and Saturday a concert, or taking a quick drive down to AC. This is a typical week in the life of a Penn student, so gear up because Sundays should be for church and trying to save what is left of your vital organs.
5. Blarney Stone & Smokey Joe’s
These two bars are pillars of nightlife on the Penn campus. This is especially true if you may be under 21, but looking for a place to go. Although recently they have gotten stricter with ID’s they certainly are not as tough to get into as some of the Center City bars of Philadelphia. Often you will also find yourself asking “Can I just sleep at Smoke’s because by the time I wake up I will need a pizza and have the urge to start drinking again?”
Smokey Joe’s Photo from upenn.edu
6. The bars may close at 2am, but the dorms will be raging until at least 3 or 4am
Unfortunately the bars close at 2am in Philadelphia. However you can find students partying throughout the night, and this is especially true for the Quad which most Penn freshmen should choose to live in anyway.
7. Greek Life Parties
Being in a Greek organization is not an absolute defining institution to having a great social life at Penn, but it does help. The mixers are epic, the parties are huge, and the alcohol is flowing. Not to mention the alumni from each Greek life organization are always looking to help a younger brother or sister get a leg up, so it may just score you the dream job you envision upon gaining your acceptance letter from Penn.
Upenn Toga Party
8. Most people you graduate with will immediately be moving to New York City
Philadelphia is a great city which starts to feel like home after four years of undergrad, but it simply does not have the appeal that New York City does. Not to mention that New York City is also the hub for the two F’s “Fashion & Finance”. Therefore many of your Penn colleagues, and possibly even yourself will be graduating into employment within the mecca of American society.